General

The thing I’m still conflicted about most from the fat person perspective is that we ARE the kink. We can’t switch off or put it away. I find it hard to understand how we are perceived outside just the kink space so wanted to start a discussion but finding it hard to articulate so bear with me!

For example, from an appreciator’s point of view living in a “normal” body - does your attraction change based on your mindset? Like will you find us attractive one day and a “fat girl you wouldn’t go near” until the kink invaded your brain again, the next? Does that make sense? Or does it depend?

I think because until recently, I have changed my mind so many times! Liking it on myself one minute and hating it the next- so it’s what I assume others feel towards us.

It’s something I haven’t got a gauge on or seen discussed much so wanted to see people’s thoughts and opinions. I’m very likely overthinking it but I’m AUDHD and love to have clear understandings of these things.

I think sometimes I feel like a novelty, and that diminishes who I am as a whole. If that’s what you’re after absolutely fine! And the moment can call for that for sure. But other times I’d like to just feel hot without the caveat of “just for now - not later”

Hope this makes sense!

I completely get this conflict you’re describing...

But I want to start with your last point about feeling like a novelty or that it diminishes who you are. The most important thing to remember is that only you get to define your worth and how you see yourself.
Other people might like, love, fetishize, hate, shame, or even flip between those extremes and how they see you, whether it’s in the fetish community or in everyday life. Their opinions don’t define you and you don’t need to rely on them for validation.It's a hard one to learn and even accept (it took me a while, and I prioritised seeking the validation of others for quite a long time in my younger days).

I can’t speak for all admirers because everyone is different, but there’s always been discussion around how fat people can’t “switch off their bodies”. And sometimes FA's who feel the need to hide or be “in the closet” about their attraction can unintentionally reinforce stigma. When people secretly like fat bodies but openly deny it or participate in fat shaming it can make things feel awful. It keeps the message going that fat bodies are only acceptable in secret. Then the burden of fat positivity falls on fat people...and that can be tough.

But as for wanting to be attractive and desirable all the time, not just seen as a feedee, gainer, or BBW (not for later) that is a completely normal want. Nobody wants to feel like a secret. I’ve personally felt only wanted for my fatness and not for me in the past, and I know how complicated it can feel.

Where does the fat kink identity and fat person everyday identity cross over for us all? I do think that’s a personal thing, and it’s okay for it to be complicated. But at the end of the day your feelings, your attractiveness, and your worth exist independently of anyone elses mindset or kink lens.

Thank you for your reply, C00kie. That’s really insightful. And you’re right about not relying on others for validation - self acceptance is most important!

Until a few months ago I kept the kink and “me” completely separate but that was damaging. I’m still ironing out the edges but, along with invaluable support I have received, the self acceptance is there now at last.

The “Where does the fat kink identity and fat person everyday identity cross over for us all? I do think that’s a personal thing, and it’s okay for it to be complicated…” - that’s where I have to start to give myself a break, accept it’s complicated and can change and evolve on the daily and just have fun with it.

I appreciate your thoughtful response, C00kie!

Kita is a person with a kink as much as her body would be someone else's kink.

And for her, it is not a thing she can just turn off. It is there all the time, whether it is convenient to her or not, and is the primary driver of her romantic and sexual urges. It does have the added benefit of Kita basically never finding her partner unattractive, as the thing she finds attractive is their willingness to feed.

As far as whether or not they find her body attractive? Kita can't control that. So she just hopes that they won't fall in and out so much that they quit feeding. She has not had much luck on that, and it leads her to seeking people who just aren't insecure about it. It is that insecurity that causes so many people to hide.